Last night I took myself out on our first date. A real date.
I have been setting intentions which each new moon this year and the Libra new moon is a great opportunity to set intentions around relationship and balance. One of my new moon intentions this month is that I am at the center of my own life. In the past, I would orient myself so that I revolved around other people, like a planet around a sun. I would carefully monitor their lives, caretaking to the point of losing myself. Anyone else do this?
So, that way of being is in the compost now. What better way to put myself at the center than to ask myself out on a date?
\Well, it was one of those
disaster insightful first dates. Our date was not even close to fun. I had no idea how much I could learn from the seemingly simple act of going out on a date with myself.
- I didn’t plan enough in advance. At 3 pm yesterday afternoon I was still trying to come up with an idea for the perfect first date. I decided on a sunset picnic (she doesn’t mind the cold). Did I check to see what time the sun would set? Did I think about how I would get food and get her to the sunset on time? Nope.
- I was cheap. Food? I thought about all her favorite restaurants, but ended up not wanting to spend the money. So, I ran into the nearest natural grocery and grabbed a roll and a packaged dessert to go with the hummus and vegetables in my bag. Transportation? We could have grabbed a pay-per-use car and made it to the sunset easily and on time.
- I didn’t take my date’s needs into consideration. She had worked a 9 1/2 hour day caring for children. The best date would probably have been to take her home, make some tea and draw a nice hot bath with lavender essential oils and candles. Instead we walked for an hour, sometimes up hills, to get to a sunset lookout. I made her carry her heavy backpack and we missed the sunset by 15 minutes. I didn’t even choose a nice nourishing meal for my health conscious date.
Who would want to date me? Actually, if I had been on that date with anyone but myself, I would have spent money, planned better and taken my date’s needs into consideration. Last night I was given clear insight into how hard it can be for me to put myself at the center. How I date myself is a total reflection of how I treat myself. It’s not easy to look at.
But, there’s hope. I will let you know, the last minutes of the sunset were beautiful. Not much tops a Seattle sunset with water and the Olympic Mountains in the background.
I have already asked her out again. And she said, “Yes!” The second date will be so much better. Who knows? In a few months we may be snuggled together by the fire, laughing about that first date. Then she’ll tell me how glad she is that she gave me a second chance.