Self Care During Times of Grief

My father has late stage Parkinson’s and my parents are really struggling with his care. We have spent the past three weeks in a hospice facility and he will be sent home later this week.

I have so many things I wish I was doing right now to support my own well-being. Dishes I want to cook to support my lung health and relax my nervous system. Meditations. Going for long walks in the forest.

All I can seem to manage are long baths and more chocolate than I am happy about. Oh. And chamomile tea which is actually a great addition. My meals in hospice have been a combination of soups from a favorite local restaurant, instant Lotus Foods noodle cups and McDougall instant split pea soup. Local organic bagels with kite hill cream cheese. Zing bars. Not very many vegetables.

I know how to support myself and sometimes actually doing the things we know is harder than we expect it to be.

Often we feel like we need to be doing all the things ourselves in order to share our knowledge and experience. But, I have done some of these in the past when going through grief. And I will be able to do them again, maybe even next week. So here is my list for my future self. And for you if you can use some similar support.

In 5 element theory, in the element of metal, grief is connected to lungs and large intestine and the season of Autumn. These suggestions keep this theory in mind, while also thinking about the need for comfort, relaxation and grounding when we are going through grief.

Grief can feel pretty heavy. We can often feel a sense of constriction and tightness, especially in our lungs and large intestine. Sometimes in our stomach and the back of the throat. We can be afraid to let go. Afraid to feel. Afraid to let life flow through us. Time seems to stop as we often want to hold onto what was or what we wish could have been.

I gravitate toward dishes that relax, comfort and nourish while also adding some lightness. Increasing circulation, movement and the space to breathe and process can help immensely.

Recipes:

White Beans and Greens: I don’t think I have a written recipe for this, yet. Basically cook some white beans, or open a can or two. Cook them with a postage stamp size piece of kombu if you have it. Add chopped hearty greens near the end and cook until the greens are done. Add a pinch of sea salt if needed. Add a little water if necessary as it cooks. I like adding a bit of lemon juice at the table. Choose larger white beans because they will get creamier as they cook and this will feel more comforting and nourishing as you eat them.

White Beans and Kabocha Squash: Cook some white beans with chunks of kabocha squash. Add a pinch of sea salt. Cook until beans and squash are soft. If you are using canned beans, cut the kabocha smaller so it cooks quickly. Or roast the squash and add it to the beans on the stovetop.

Nori Rolls or Rice Balls: I like to eat these with a nice tahini sauce, or some hummus. So comforting and satisfying.

Miso Soup with or without noodles. Add a little plain mochi to make it even more comforting.

Creamy Pureed Soup: Using winter squash, carrot, cauliflower or sweet potato. Or a combination of those.

Steamed Greens: I like eating these with a dollop of hummus on top, too. Or a nice, rich tahini or almond butter sauce. Choose a variety of greens. Adding some green cabbage, bok choy or broccoli can add a lighter energy which in turn helps lighten our energy.

Cooked Pears or Apples with cinnamon.

Other Support:

1. A favorite of mine: Simply hold a warm mug of tea or bowl of soup in your hands. As the warmth relaxes the middle of your palms, you can feel your whole body start to relax.

2. Chamomile tea.

3. Keep your feet warm. Keep your belly warm. A hot water bottle is lovely for this, too.

4. Limit the cold air you breathe in.

5. Movies that help you cry. They don’t need to be heart breakers. Some hopeful movies that make me cry are Fly Away Home, Billy Elliot and August Rush. You can do a whole search online.

6. Fill your lungs with the smell or fresh air of a place you love. Breathing in love, real or imaginary is one of my favorite ways to support my lungs.

7. Play music and dance. Big movements. Small movements. Move your body.

8. Hug a large tree.

9. Visit with a supportive friend who simply lets you be.

10. Crystals. If you follow me on Instagram you can see one of my latest reels with images of the crystals I am using daily.